Posts Tagged ‘Callisto


Nerd Fight: Battle #23

It’s that time again. To reiterate, every Friday the Cupcake Rogues will randomly pick 2 characters to do battle – whether it be Marvel, DC, female, male, mutant, human, or human that pretends to be a mutant with magic (I’m looking at you, Juggernaut), they are all possible. Once we’ve randomly selected our two, they will go head to head in several categories with one being deemed winner. The winner will live on to fight another day, but a warning – with 200 possible characters, it may be awhile before round 2 🙂

Twenty-third week in the random selection:

Spiral vs. Callisto

Spiral Callisto
Origin Rita Wayword, aka “Ricochet Rita” was a professional stuntwoman who befriend Longshot when he first came to Earth. She met him and feel and love with him after being attacked by her evil, future self. When Longshot went back to Mojoverse, Rita followed. Mojo held her prisoner for years and forced his chief scientist, Arize, to perform extreme modifications to Rita, giving her 4 extra robotic arms and evolving her mind to the point where she could time travel and teleport. This also drove her insane. As a last kick while she was down, Mojo manipulated her into going back in time and attacking her former self, thus  jumpstarting the situation that led her to Mojoverse in the first place. Callisto began her run in X-Men as leader of the Morlocks – A group of quasi-terrorists whose deformed looks make them stand out amongst regular humans. Deciding she needed a mate, she kidnaps Angel and drags him down to her sewer home (there is no mention of Ninja Turtles whatsoever, sad). When the X-Men come to rescue their teammate, it’s actually a depowered Storm who challenges and defeats Callisto. Storm would decree that the Morlocks would no longer terrorize surface dwellers and that Callisto would rule in her place.
Edge? Spiral – Callisto got beat on her own home turf by a depowered mutant. Fail.
Powers/ Abilities Rita has multiple robotic arms, enhanced strength, teleportation, time travel and is skilled in sorcery. Spiral was also among the nine criminal geniuses that Beast seeks out when it comes to reversing the effects of Decimation. She is also immune to possession and has latent telepathic abilities. Callisto possesses enhanced senses (including night vision) and agility. She’s an excellent tactician and hand to hand combatant. After M Day she lost her powers but temporarily regined them through the use of the terrigan mists. Unfortunately her senses were enhanced to the point where normal sensation causes her pain. Later Masque, a former team-mate transformed her arms into prehensile tentacles.
Edge? Spiral – She’s single-handedly beaten the X-Men and the Avengers and an entire alternate reality. Read: Do not f* with.
Love Interest Longshot – everyone’s favorite mullet-wearing, artificially created humanoid who stars on TV! He’s kind of the reason she’s the insane villain she is today and for that, Longshot, we thank you. Believe it or not, Callisto actually had a consensual relationship with Colossus while he had amnesia after returning from the Siege Perilous.
Edge? Callisto – Hot, tall Russian beats mullet anytime.
Costume Spiral wears a light blue suit and BOOTS WITH THE FUUURRRRRR… as well as a weapon in each hand. Callisto dresses most like a tough biker chick with an eye patch, not someone you’d want to meet in a dark alley. Or a light alley for that matter.
Edge? Spiral – For the fur boots, obviously…
Most Entertaining Personality After Mojo’s torturous surgeries, Rita became blood thirsty and – say it with me – BAT SHIT CRAZY!!!  And who doesn’t love that, am I right? Callisto is an embittered broad, more likely to cut you than talk things out.
Edge? Spiral – Bat shit crazy always wins. Period.
Best story arch Spiral conquered an alternate timeline, referring to herself as “The Apocalypse” (not to be confused with the original A-Poc. In this timeline she killed most of that Earth’s superheroes – leaving only Cable and some of his X-Force and New Mutant allies. She kidnapped Sunspot and tortured him by making him do her until his rescue. With the help of Shatterstar, she was eventually defeated and poor Sunspot gave his willy a rest. Callisto is captured by former teammate Masque who tortures her by restoring her beauty one moment and making her ugly the next. Callisto is eventually freed by the X-Men and while still beautiful becomes a fashion model and starts a relationship with the amnesiac Colossus. Eventually the Morlocks, still under Masque’s control re-capture and beat Callisto badly. The Morlocks Healer restores Callisto’s health, but also her former deformed looks. Callisto goes on a revenge mission against the Morlocks, recruiting Colossus’s older brother Mikhail to flood the Morlocks tunnel home.
Edge? Spiral – she conquers an entire timeline… what have you done today?
Hotness Since she’s up against Callison, it doesn’t matter, she wins. Not to mention she could manage a circle jerk all by herself. At one point Callisto was supposed to be quite beautiful, but she typically looks like a butch lezzie with an eye patch and tentacle arms.
Edge? Spiral – we said circle jerk, right?
Fiercest foe Mojo – he made her the freak she is today brainwashed her into doing his deeds for years. Masque captured and tortured Callisto by systematically restoring and taking away Callisto’s good looks. She would later transform Callisto again, giving her prehensile tentacle arms.
Edge? DRAW – captures and tortured? Sounds familiar.
Biggest WTF Moment She nannied… for the X-Babies *hangs head in shame* We grew up with the 90’s X-Men cartoon version of Callisto so the idea of her as a top fashion model blows our mind.
Edge? Spiral – the X-Babies were a WTF all in themselves, let alone having to watch over those brats.
Person who should attempt an on-screen portrayal Depending on the timeline and age portrayed, Ali Larter or Uma Thurman/Darryl Hannah play convincing evil wenches. She’s looney enough to get Lady Gaga, but I’m not sure that crazy broad can act. Callisto was portrayed by Dania Ramirez in X3. However, she was basically a female Calliban and in no way ugly so we’re not counting her.

Samantha Ronson certainly has the look of Callisto, but she’s not an actress, so lets go with Michelle Rodriguez – Because if ever there was a chick who looked like she’d cut you as soon as look at you, it’s Michelle Rodriguez.

Edge? Callisto – Michelle Rodriguez scares us.

Spiral: 8

Callisto:  3

And the winner is…. Spiral! If you want to win most, raise your hand…. Awww, sorry Callisto.


Comic Book Cartoon DVD Review: X-Men Vol. 1

With the growing amount of Comic Book cartoons coming out on DVD, we thought we’d let you know what’s worth picking up and what’s not. First up, X-men cartoons (90s version) – Volume 1!

Review: Storm making grand speeches before fighting; Rogue’s “sugah” and southern sayings (“You look ’bout as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs); Gambit’s talking in third person; and Jubilee taking over the usual role of the annoying Kitty Pryde. All things I loved about the 90s cartoon. I’m sure I’m biased because this is cartoon I grew up with, but I definitely think it’s the best and most accurate cartoon adaptation to date. Wolverine is angry and harboring a love for Jean, Beast sounds like a Harvard scholar, and they’re all wearing their best uniforms.

On Disc 1, in the premiere “Night of the Sentinels (Part 1 and 2),” the creators took quite a risk. Instead of opening with X-men’s most well-known villains such as Magneto, Apocalypse or Mr. Sinister, they opened with an episode surrounding Sentinels. The only not-so-great part about this episode, and this Volume in general is the addition of Morph. Although I don’t have anything against Morph, it seems like they kind of just stuck him in here. Of course, as you’ll see, Morph is in here considerably less than the rest of the cast. “Enter Magneto” introduces Magneto and Sabretooth with epic destruction, as they should be. “Captive Hearts” has our first Wolverine-Jean moment, as well as our introduction to Callisto and the Morlocks as Callisto tries to make Cyclops her sperm donor. And, of course, our first look at Gambit in his speedos ;). “Slave Island” introduces Moira McTaggart, Master Mold, and Cable. “The Unstoppable Juggernaut” introduces Professor X’s no good stepbrother, the Juggernaut (duh) and Colossus, as well as Rogue’s first absorbing freak out.

Disc 2 opens with “The Cure.” In this episode we meet Angel (how he keeps those wings tucked in his jacket, I’ll never know), Mystique, Apocalypse, Pyro and Avalanche. We also get our first bit of Rogue/Gambit flirtation that will inevitably continue on for the rest of the season (yay!). In “Come The Apocalypse” we see Angel become Archangel, Apocalypse’s Horseman, Death. “Days of Future Past (Parts 1 and 2)” takes us to 2055 where Wolverine is still fighting the good fight. This is the classic episode where Bishop goes back in time to our present to alter history with the hopes of improving his present. It has a very “Terminator” feel to it. It also features Nimrod and Forge, and lets us in on the fact that Mystique was once Rogue’s foster mother. “Till Death Do Us Part” shows Cyclops’ and Jean’s first wedding that ends up being null and void. We also first see the human we love to hate, Graydon Creed, leader of the Friends of Humanity and Mr. Sinister. We also get to see the Nasty Boys with one of the best named characters in comics – Gorgeous George!  This episode gives us a taste of what in the comics would become a creepy obsession for Cyclops and Jean on Sinister’s part. The volume ends with “Whatever It Takes,” an episode about Storm’s home village and the Shadow King.

Overall, Volume 1 is a must have in your collection! Oh and P.S. the 90s X-men opening theme IS the end-all, be-all for opening themes. Don’t let anyone tell you different! If they had it for my phone, it would be my ringtone to this day.

Best Episode: “Night of the Sentinels” – you’ve got to see where it all begins. “Days of Future Past” is also a must-see.

Episode You Can Skip: “Cold Vengeance” gets a little slow but it sets up “Slave Island,” which is a more interesting episode.

Fun Easter Eggs:

  • In “Deadly Reunions,” as Professor X is in Sabretooth’s mind, see some fun special guests, such as Deadpool, Omega Red and others.
  • “Slave Island” shows mutant extras Northstar, Aurora, Sunfire and others.
  • “Days of Future Past (Part 1)” shows some kids running with a video game in their hands featuring The Punisher.
  • In “The Final Decision,” when Professor X probes Gambit’s mind, we see Ghost Rider.
  • In “Till Death Do Us Part (Part 1)” Morph says “Making copies!” a la Saturday Night Live. This has nothing to do with anything, just thought it was kind of funny 🙂
  • In “Whatever It Takes” Morph transforms into Deadpool, Omega Red, and Maverick.

Favorite Quotes:

  • Wolverine – the ever-classic “I go where I WANNA go.”
  • Storm – “Storm, Mistress of the Elements, commands you to release that child!” Rogue – “Lighten up on the speeches, Sugah.”
  • Magneto – “I wonder how he’ll look, Charles, after so long… perhaps, a toupee?”
  • Gambit – “How do you sweat so much, petite, and not lose weight?”
  • Wolverine – “What’s the matter? Teacher’s pet got cold feet?” *Cyclops flashes his optic beams* “Anytime, pretty boy.”
  • Storm – “Gambit, the term rec room does not mean you must wreck it.” Gambit – “Even Storm makes jokes now! What next?”
  • Wolverine – “This kid’s crying… do something!”
  • Rogue to Gambit – “Don’t you ever get tired of listening to yourself?!” Gambit – “Not when I’m talking bout you, chere.”
  • Wolverine to Jubilee – “If you knew how much bubble gum I had to sniff to find you!”

-Rogue 1

Blog Stats

  • 822,932 hits