Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re back for 2011 with more BATTLES! This year, we have a new and (hopefully) improved format! R2 and I will be doing our edges separately now, so hopefully they’ll be a little more clear. Good thing we started today, because although we usually agree, this one was a doozy! Now onto the show!
It’s that time again. To reiterate, every Friday the Cupcake Rogues will randomly pick 2 characters to do battle – whether it be Marvel, DC, female, male, mutant, human, or human that pretends to be a mutant with magic (I’m looking at you, Juggernaut), they are all possible. Once we’ve randomly selected our two, they will go head to head in several categories with one being deemed winner. The winner will live on to fight another day, but a warning – with 200 possible characters, it may be awhile before round 2 🙂
Thirty-ninth week in the random selection:
Batman vs. Iron Man
|Origin||Bruce Wayne lived a charmed life as the only son of wealthy Gotham City fixtures, Thomas and Martha Wayne. At the age of eight, Bruce and his parents were accosted by a mugger who shot both Thomas and Martha in front of their sons eyes. Traumatized, Bruce would spend years training his mind and body in dedication to ridding Gotham City of crime. When Bruce returned from his years abroad, it was to find Gotham in even worse condition than he’d left it. The people’s morale was low and the police department corrupt. Batman’s first foray into crime fighting left him not only with stab and bullet wounds, but a realization that he had to be more than just a man on the streets beating up criminals. He decides that he needs to become something that will strike fear in the hearts of villains. As Bruce is bleeding all over the Alfred’s freshly waxed floor, inspiration comes in the form of a bat perched on top of a statue of his father. Deciding to make criminals share his childhood fear, Bruce Wayne becomes Batman! (Am I the only one thinking how badly this could’ve turned out if it was a butterfly lounging on Thomas Wayne’s bust?)||Tony Stark was born to a wealthy industrialist and head of Stark Industries, Howard Stark and his wife Maria. Tony was a boy genius, entering MIT at the age of 15 to study electrical engineering. His parents died in a car crash, he inherits his father’s company. While overseas, Tony is injured and captured by the enemy, led by Wong-Chu. Wong-Chu orders him to design weapons, however Tony realizes that his injuries are serious and shrapnel is moving towards his heart. His fellow prisoner, Nobel Prize-winning physicist Ho Yinsen constructs a magnetic chest plate to keep the shrapnel from reaching Tony’s heart and together they built a suit of powered armor in secret, which Tony uses to make his escape. Yinsen sacrifices his life to save Tony’s during the escape. Tony then uses the suit to take revenge on his kidnappers and heads back to rejoin American forces, meeting a wounded James Rhodes on the way. Back home, Tony uses the cover for Iron Man as Stark’s bodyguard and corporate mascot, only revealing his identity to Pepper and Happy, and using his image as rich playboy as a cover (sound familiar?). Eventually Stark’s heart is cured with an artificial heart transplant. Around this time he becomes an alcoholic and starts f*ing stuff up, but eventually beats his dependence on alcohol. However, this will not be the last time that alcoholism plagues Tony’s life.|
|Edge?||R1 – Batman: Though both men lost their parents too young, Batman had to watch it up close and personal. You’d put on tights and think you were a flying rodent too.||R2 – Batman: While both origins are similar in that the hero has a traumatic experience that becomes their reason to fight crime, Batman did it first; and Batman did it best.|
|Powers/ Abilities||While Batman is a human being with no superhuman powers, he is often described as being at the height of physical perfection. He’s dedicated his life to training himself to not only be a master fighter (with knowledge of over 120 forms of combat), but he’s considered the world’s greatest detective. He is an expert in Science, Biology and Criminology. He’s also fluent in English, Spanish, French, Russian, German, Japanese, Chinese, and other languages. Physical prowess and brain power aside, Bruce is a billionaire and therefore has limitless resources at his disposal. Some of his more recognizable bits of paraphernalia are his batarangs, grappling hook, Batmobile and his utility belt (which miraculously contains anything he would need in any given situation) Batman even keeps a Kryptonite ring on hand in case his good buddy The Man of Steel ever needs a good b*tch slap back to reality. A notable omission from the bat-arsenal is firearms. Bruce has an understandable abhorrence for guns though he has equipped the Batmobile with similar devices which he uses to incapacitate vehicles or obliterate obstacles. Last but not least, Batman keeps an extensive file on known super heroes and their weaknesses and has contingency plans to kill them if necessary.||Starting with the suit, Tony’s armor gives him superhuman strength, durability, flight and an array of weapons. The suit has been improved drastically over the years, but his standard repulsor rays that fire through the palms are always there, as well as pulse bolts, an electromagnetic pulse generator and a defensive energy shield that extends 360 degrees. The suit also has a freeze-beam, the ability to manipulate magnetic fields, sonic blasts, and the projection of 3D holograms to use as decoys. In addition to his traditional suit, Tony has used his genius to create alternate suits for alternate situations, such as his suit modeled after the Destroyer that uses a mystical power source in order to fight Thor and the Hulkbuster, with enough strength ad durability to engage the Incredible Hulk. He has also created suits for space travel, stealth, and deep-sea diving.
When Tony was critically injured during a battle with Mallen, he injects himself with the “Extremis process.” This rewrites his biology, giving him an enhanced healing factor and causing him to partly merge with the Iron Man armor, allowing a lighter armor that is technopathically controlled by his own brain. This process is purged from his body during the Secret Invasion storyline.
Tony is also a genius in the fields of math, physics, chemistry, computers, and engineering. His skills in these areas rival that of Reed Richards, Hank Pym and Bruce Banner. He is known for his quick thinking in unsuspected situations with difficult foes as well as his business sense. Tony is so smart that he has “come back to life” several times by his own creations.
Tony has also trained with Captain America, a professional boxer (his chauffer Happy), and James Rhodes to fight without his suit.
|Edge?||R1 – Iron Man: This is an extremely close call, but while all of the strengths the two men share, I have to let Tony’s suit give him the slight edge. That suit has saved him from dying of a heart attack and flown him out of a battle gone wrong, while Batman’s suit, though awesome, could only call for help and hope someone was near when he lay dying in an alley. Sometimes it seems Bats put in too much thought into having the suit protect his identity when downed, and not enough into protecting his life when downed.||R2 – Batman: This is close, but I’m giving it to Batman because even without the batsuit, he’s still got the knowledge of deadly combat on his side and his sheer determination. Plus, Tony actually IS an alcoholic playboy, while Bruce doesn’t imbibe in anything that could affect his physical performance. Even Superman has called Batman “the most dangerous man on Earth.” Yeah, Bats was holding a Kryptonite ring up to his face, but it’s still true!|
|Love Interest||For a man so intent on his work, Batman has had a surprising number of romantic partners. The original Batwoman, Vicki Vale, Julie Madison, Jezebel Jet (her parents suck), Sasha Bordeaux, Zatanna, Vesper Fairchild, Silver St. Cloud and even Wonder Woman. But the two that stand out the most are Talia Al-Ghul and Selina Kyle. While Batman actually married and had a child with Talia, he always goes back to Catwoman – And really, can you blame him?||Tony has had many notches in his belt over the years, including Meredith McCall, Sunset Bain, Joanna Nivena, Virginia “Pepper” Potts, Natasha Romanova, aka the Black Widow, Janice Cord, Marianne Rodgers, Madame Masque, Bethany Cabe, Janet Van Dyne, aka the Wasp, Indries Moomji, Heather Glenn, Brie Daniels, Rae Lacoste, Kathy Dare, Dr. Su Yin, Veronica Benning, Rumiko Fujikawa, Calista Hancock, and Anna Wei. You know, just to name a few. Each has their own story, from fling to love.|
|Edge?||R1 – Batman: While Bruce and Tony match each other in quantity, Bruce gets the edge for having more significant relationships.||R2 – Batman: Because he’s actually considered giving up Batman to be with a woman (Albeit, women with ridiculous monikers)…And because Tony likely has Syphilis.|
|Costume||Considering Batman chose his costume to help him go unnoticed, he has one of the most recognized costumes in the history of comics and while it’s gone through a few revamps, there are a few key elements that always stay the same. The scalloped cape, the cowl and bat ears, the bat emblem on his chest and his ubiquitous utility belt.||Duh, he’s the Iron Man. His costume consists of… the Iron Man suit. Red and gold armor with some super fly gadgets built in and a plethora of other specialized suits at his disposal.|
|Edge?||R1 – DRAW: Both of these men ARE their suits. Without them, they’re just super awesome rich guys with mad fighting skills.||R2 – Batman: Except for a few unfortunate instances in the 60’s (see wtf moment) Batman’s costume does exactly what it’s supposed to do. Startle the heck out of you. While Ironman’s suit is admittedly awesome, I’ve never understood why it needed to be red and gold. I’ve always preferred War Machines look.|
|Most Entertaining Personality||While Bruce’s public persona is much like that other billionaire playboy, in reality, Bruce doesn’t have time for that s***. He has cases to go over, clues to deduce and women to seduce…Well, maybe not so much that last part. When it comes to crime fighting no one takes it more serious than Brucie. But for all that he’s the fricken Batman, he’s rarely arrogant about it.||Tony is fun. He never takes anything too seriously (unlike some OTHER batty superhero that needs to take a major dose of chillax every once and awhile). Tony is an arrogant, funny playboy that likes to party and likes his fame as Iron Man. While he does take his job seriously and he certainly has had his dark moments, he’s usually pretty light hearted and might even make a snarky comment or two before kicking your butt.|
|Edge?||R1 – Iron Man: Although everyone loves the g*ddamn Batman, as every spoof will tell you, every once and awhile you just want to say “Chill out and take a vacay, Bruce!” The man is always serious. All work and no play makes Bruce a dull boy…||R2 – Batman: Because there’s a difference between the arrogance used for comedic relief and the arrogance of an overgrown frat boy. Sometimes don’t you just want to punch Tony in the face?|
|Best story arch||Let’s be honest here, Bruce has had some amazing storylines in his time. There’s “Knightfall” where Bane breaks Bruce’s back putting him out of comission for a while. Bruce has to hand the Batman persona over to Azrael who is so unstable that the Batman reputation is tarnished for a time. There’s also “Cataclysm” and “No Mans Land” where Gotham is demolished by an earthquake and cut off from the rest of society making it a literal hell on earth for those foolish enough to stay. In “A Death in the Family” Jason Todd AKA Robin is beaten and blown up by the Joker, causing Batman to reject all help and become more violent. There’s also the “Hush” series, Final Crisis, Batman R.I.P. and several others. HOW DO YOU PICK JUST ONE?!||In “The Crossing” storyline, Iron Man is revealed to be a traitor among the Avengers due to years of manipulation by the time-traveling dictator Kang the Conqueror (another story arc says this is really a disguised Immortus, but I digress). As a sleeper agent of Kand, Stark kills Crystal and Quicksilver’s nanny Marilla, the female Yellowjacket, Rita DeMara, and Amanda Cheney. The Avengers, unable to beat Stark and Kang, travel back in time to pick up a teenaged Tony Stark to assist them. Teenaged Stark steals an Iron Man suit to use in order to help the Avengers fight Kang and his future self. Seeing the teenaged version of himself snaps the older Stark out of it long enough to gain control his actions and sacrifice his life to stop Kang. The younger Stark will later build his own suit to become the new Iron Man and gains legal control of his company. During the battle with Onslaught, the teenaged Stark dies, along with many others. Franklin Richards preserves the dead heroes in another universe in which Tony Stark is once again an adult. Franklin then recreates the heroes in the pocket universe in the forms he is most familiar with. The reborn Tony Stark, upon returning to the normal universe merges with the original Stark. The new Stark, which has memories from both teenaged and adult Tony, is reborn heart healthy. He gets his company back and forces a hearing due to his traitorous actions. Once cleared of wrongdoing, he rejoins the Avengers.|
|Edge?||R1 – Batman: I mean, duh. Come on.||R2 – Batman: You don’t pick, you just accept the fact that Batman gets the bitchin storylines.|
|Hotness||So not only is Batman brilliant, but at 6’2 with black hair and blue eyes, he’s hot too. If he wasn’t so darn awesome, you might actually hate him.||Umm, hello? Tony Stark was played by Robert Downery Jr, only the most bangable over 40 actor in Hollywood, so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that all the women aren’t sleeping with Tony *just* because he’s rich.|
|Edge?||R1 – DRAW: Hmmm, super hot rich guy or super hot rich guy? Christian Bale or RDJ? How ever will I choose? Oh yeah, I won’t. Both, please.||R2 – Batman: Simply because I do not care for facial hair.|
|Fiercest foe||Though he might disagree, Batman is fortunate enough to have the most amazing nemesis on the planet. The Joker loves nothing more than to find some new way to torment The Dark Knight and while Batman has had many opportunities (and reasons!) to off The Clown Prince of Crime, he has yet to do so. Is it because Batman has a moral center that rivals even that of Superman? Is it because The Joker is the snappiest dresser Gotham City has ever seen? Or is it because DC knows better than to off Batsy’s precious Mr. J? Psssst! It’s the last one!||Tony has had many enemies as Iron Man, but the one he’s been fighting the longest is BOOZE. The demon in a bottle. Stark fights his alcoholism on several occasions, but always comes out on top. Having your cover as a partying playboy has its risks.|
|Edge?||R1 – Batman: The Joker wins all. That’s all you need to know.||R2 – Batman: Booze is a heartless bitch, but booze doesn’t look nearly as good in spats.|
|Best Sidekick||If you are an orphan living on the mean streets of Gotham City, chances are the Batman will eventually take you on as his protégé. Why? Because Batman goes through kids faster than Herbert from Family Guy. While Batman will NOT kill the Joker, he seems to have no compunction over putting minors in harm’s way. Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake and even Batman’s own son Damien have all taken on the role of Robin at some point in their young lives, and let’s not forget Barbara Gordon, Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown have all had their turn as Batgirl. But it’s cool, it’s not like anyone has sustained any lasting injuries or died or anything…Wait…||War Machine – When Tony needs a more high-powered suit, he created the War Machine suit. After faking his death, James Rhodes, or “Rhodey” began his solo career as the War Machine. Iron Man and War Machine have fought separately and together through the years.|
|Edge?||R1 – Iron Man: Yeah, how has Bats not had a visit from social services yet??||R2 – Iron Man: I don’t feel the need to justify this choice.|
|Biggest WTF Moment||Submitted for your approval is a link to a time in Batman’s life he would probably rather forget. The 60’s… (click here) Oh and Batman also keeps the shoe of Silver St. Cloud in the Batcave as a love memento when she breaks up with him. Creeper.||-Stark is so smart, that when an unbalanced former lover paralyzed him, he created a nerve chip and implanted it into his spine to regain his mobility. After further nervous system issues, he constructed a “skin” made of artificial nerve circuitry to help his body. Eventually he placed himself into suspended animation and makes a full recovery by using a chip to reprogram himself. Ummm, OK.
-Later on, his armor becomes sentient and more and more aggressive, wanting to replace Tony as Iron Man. However, on a desert island where Stark suffers a heart attack, the suit sacrifices itself to make Tony a new artificial heart. So… he’s so smart that his creations make creations now?
– When Tony is forced to hand over the Superhero Registration Act Initiative to Norman Osborn, Tony sneaks in and destroys the records, leaving the only living records of who is a superhero in his head. Tony runs as Osborn has him hunted. Tony goes as far as to inflict brain damage on himself to get rid of the information in his mind. Oh and when the damage to his brain becomes too much from Osborn and he drops into a vegetative state, don’t worry. He left Pepper instructions of how to reboot his mind. Because he’s so smart he can’t die!
|Edge?||R1 – Batman: Because while Iron Man’s suit is a flashy red and gold, at least it’s not pink.||R2 – Batman: Because his WTF lasted more than a DECADE!|
|Person who should attempt an on-screen portrayal||Many people have taken on the role of Batman. There’s Michael Keaton, George Clooney, Adam We(st) and Kevin Conroy has voiced Bruce for years, but lets focus on the most recent one shall we? Christian Bale helped breathe new life into the Batman movie franchise with his realistic portrayal of Bruce Wayne and The Bat – And if you disagree, that makes you an amateur and we are done professionally!!!||Robert Downey Jr. RDJ IS Tony Stark. Even in Iron Man 2, which was only OK, RDJ shined as the cocky, genius playboy.|
|Edge?||R1 – DRAW: Batman’s portrayal has been great to horrifying. Iron Man’s portrayal has been nothing but spot on, but he’s had the luck of only needing one actor thus far. Toss up.||R2 – DRAW: Both actors were awesome! Each one loses a point in my book though. Christian Bale for that disconcerting voice and RDJ for being a bit long in the tooth.|
R1: Batman – 8; Iron Man – 6
R2: Batman 10; Iron Man – 2
And the winner is… BATMAN! Had you any doubt?