01
Oct
10

Nerd Fight: Battle #25

It’s that time again. To reiterate, every Friday the Cupcake Rogues will randomly pick 2 characters to do battle – whether it be Marvel, DC, female, male, mutant, human, or human that pretends to be a mutant with magic (I’m looking at you, Juggernaut), they are all possible. Once we’ve randomly selected our two, they will go head to head in several categories with one being deemed winner. The winner will live on to fight another day, but a warning – with 200 possible characters, it may be awhile before round 2 🙂

Twenty-fifth week in the random selection:

The Penguin vs. Cassandra Nova

The Penguin Cassandra Nova
Origin The Penguin was born into a wealthy family as Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot. He was bullied as a child for being a short, fat, bird lover. Oswald’s rejection from his own family drove him to crime.  He would become owner of the Iceberg lounge, a favorite of the underworld crime bosses. Cassandra Nova was conceived without a body at the same time as Charles Xavier. She improvised one by copying Xavier’s DNA to make her own body, becoming his kinda-sorta twin sister. They grew in the womb together until Charles began sensing her disturbing thoughts and attempted to kill her, resulting in her being stillborn. Despite her body being destroyed, Cassandra survived as chaotic cellular matter and clung to a sewer wall for decades, rebuilding a body and perfecting human traits. She becomes convinced that the womb in which Charles tried to destroy her was their very own universe and now she must destroy him and everything he loves. A Shi’ar legend states that “each of us faces our own personal mummudrai (meaning opposite) in the womb shortly before birth – it is our first experience of the alien, the other, the different.” In reality, a mummudrai is a parasitic species born bodiless on the astral plane. Cassandra Nova is Xavier’s mummudrai.
Edge? Cassandra Nova – In our years of comics, can’t say we’ve ever heard of the “hi-jacked the womb” story before.
Powers/ Abilities The Penguin is a master criminal strategist, preferring to plan crimes and have his henchmen carry them out. Though he will fight when pushed. He makes use of his trusty umbrella which conceals a sword, laser, machine guns, missiles, flame throwers, acid and even a mini helicopter. Cassandra is able to access the full spectrum of latent mutant functions in Xavier’s genome, giving her the powers of telepathy, telekinesis, phasing, psionic armor and healing capabilities due to her ability to manipulate and copy DNA. With that, she can also mimic the voice and DNA of others, making her a shapeshifter. She also has the powers of normal mummudrai, which are astral projection and mental possession.
Edge? Cassandra Nova – Poor Cobblepot didn’t stand a chance.
Most Family Issues First of all, his parents named him Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot. Penguin’s father died on pneumonia he contracted during a rainstorm so his mother had an obsessive need for him to carry an umbrella where ever he went. The rest of his family disowned him because of his looks. Technically Cassandra isn’t related to Charles Xavier, but genetically she’s his twin. The issues for these two quite literally started from the womb and have yet to end. Cassandra’s sole mission in life is to ruin Xavier’s. She’s driven his love, Lilandra, completely mad, destroyed his school, and killed members of his X-Men family.
Edge? Cassandra Nova – A lifetime foe checkmates being forced to carry an umbrella. Sorry, Penguin.
Costume The Penguin considers himself a gentleman criminal. As such, he is always gussied up in a tux, top hat and monocle. Cassandra doesn’t have a costume, per say, but she’s often found in a safari-looking tan get up with her creepy bald head occasionally covered by a safari hat.
Edge? Penguin – Hey! Ya got one!
Most Entertaining Personality Though he resembles a flightless bird, Penguin considers himself a refined gentleman and is perhaps the only Batman villain who is completely sane. There is an eerie calm to Cassandra’s bat-shit craziness that scares the living be-jeezus out of us. If you look up ‘creepy’ in the dictionary you’ll see Cassandra’s face… MADE YOU LOOK!
Edge? Cassandra Nova – Who doesn’t love a good creep?
Best story arch During the “No Man’s Land” storyline, Penguin takes advantage of the earthquake that levels Gotham and sets himself up as a very powerful crime boss. It’s later revealed that Lex Luthor himself financed many of his activities. After she rebuilt her body, Cassandra returned to life with a vengeance. She duplicated Bolivar Trask’s DNA to use his voice to activate a pair of Sentinels and send them to destroy the mutant homeland of Genosha. This resulted in the death of 16 million… yes, MILLION mutants. Cassandra infected her own body with millions of nano sentinels just as Wolverine and Cyclops captured her. Shortly after she was taken to the X-Mansion, she broke free and defeated most of the X-Men with ease. She then put herself into Cerebra and switched minds with Charles just before Emma Frost snapped her neck. Trapped in Cassandra’s broken body, Xavier tried fruitlessly to warn the X-men before Cassandra, now wearing Xavier’s form, shoots him. From there she terrorizes the Institute as Xavier, doing things like mentally forcing Beak beat Beast into a coma. Fun!
Edge? Cassandra Nova – She killed 16 million mutants. Game. Set. Match.
Hotness The Penguin looks exactly like his nickname. He’s a rotund little man in a tuxedo and top hat. Oswald also has a large beak-like nose and is sometimes shown with fused fingers (flippers). He’s really quite sad. Umm, if you find creepy old hags hot, I guess? Man, I gotta say, it’s not looking good.
Edge? DRAW – ugly as sin vs. ugly as sin with a monocle.
Fiercest foe Batman grudgingly looks the other way for some of the Penguins lesser offenses since the Penguin is a wealth of information on the underground crime scene of Gotham. But Ozzie can never put more than a flipper out of line or the Bat will have him by the ice cubes. (Ha! See what I did there? Ice cubes…Penguin…) Charles Xavier – Charles killed Cassandra’s physical form before she even got out of the womb, which is pretty hardcore for a fetus. Since then they’re been trying to completely destroy one another. Although they did have a moment of therapy per the Phoenix in “The End,” I wouldn’t count on them inviting each other over for Thanksgiving dinner just yet.
Edge? Cassandra Nova – There’s fetus violence afoot! Someone call the Republicans!
Biggest WTF Moment The fact that the Penguin is a well established player in Batman’s Rogues Gallery! In “The End” storyline, at one point Cassandra takes hold of the Phoenix, and when she does she has her normal, creepy face, with a young, hot Jean-like body… CAN… NOT… UNSEE.
Edge? Cassandra Nova – Grandma face + young hot body = WTF.
Person who should attempt an on-screen portrayal Danny Devito played a very creepy and grotesque version of the Penguin in Batman Returns. Being that Patrick Stewart is a mother f-ing knight, I don’t feel it’s appropriate to ask him to go drag for us. Instead, I’m going to suggest Tilda Swinton, who plays creepy quite well herself. She may be a bit too young, but nothing a little make up can’t fix.
Edge? Cassandra Nova – Though Mr. Devito did an excellent job with a substandard villain we’d really rather see the vicious Nova brought to cinematic life.

The Penguin: 2

Cassandra Nova: 9

And the winner is…. Cassandra Nova – leader of the creeps!

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