02
Jul
10

Nerd FIght – Battle #12

It’s that time again. To reiterate, every Friday the Cupcake Rogues will randomly pick 2 characters to do battle – whether it be Marvel, DC, female, male, mutant, human, or human that pretends to be a mutant with magic (I’m looking at you, Juggernaut), they are all possible. Once we’ve randomly selected our two, they will go head to head in several categories with one being deemed winner. The winner will live on to fight another day, but a warning – with 200 possible characters, it may be awhile before round 2 🙂

Twelth week in the random selection:

Harley Quinn vs She-Hulk

Harley Quinn She-Hulk
Origin Harleen Quinzel was a Psychologist at Arkham Asylum who asked to analyze the Joker. It was during their sessions together that Harleen fell in love with him, going so far as to help him escape on numerous occasions. After a particularly vicious fight with Batman left the Joker beaten to a pulp, Harleen decided to don a harlequin costume and become the Joker’s sidekick/lover.

As a side note, Harley Quinn was originally a one shot character for the Batman Animated Series. She proved to be so popular she was added to the comic as a canon character.

Jennifer Walters is the cousin of the Hulk, Bruce Banner. She was a meek and timid lawyer until one day agents of Nicholas Trask crossed paths with her Sheriff father and she was shot and seriously wounded. Bruce was the only match for her, so he donated blood for her transfusion. The radioactive blood mutated Jennifer in the same way it does Bruce, and she became the She-Hulk right before the mobsters who killed her dad were about to finish her off at the hospital. Although she was, at first, a savage when she transformed into She-Hulk, she has since gained the same intelligence that she had as Jennifer Walters.
Edge? Harley – we love an original origin.
Powers/ Abilities Under normal circumstances Harley is a proficient gymnast armed with an arsenal consisting of an enormous mallet and a pop-gun. She is granted super strength when she helped free the gods from Granny Goodness, but loses these powers when she returns to Earth. Superhuman strength, speed, agility, stamina, and durability, along with a regenerative healing factor.
Edge? She-Hulk – Harley can only flip and jump out of the way for so long before She-Hulk just sits on her.
Love interest Harley has the distinction of being part of the most dysfunctional twosome in the history of comics. The guy who gets her heart a thumpin’ is the one, the only…JOKER! Though they’re currently split, these two will never be apart for long. Harley is simply too obsessed and frankly, dependent on her puddin’ and while the Joker would be loathe to admit it, Harley is the one person who makes him “feel” for another.  In fact, rather than confront those feelings he decided to kill her. Luckily he was unsuccessful, but it hasn’t stopped him from trying again and again. Harley is the poster child for battered women who go back to their abusive men. All it takes is a half baked apology and a crook of his bony white finger and Harley is back in the arms of her “Mista J”. Ah love! Briefly dated Starfox, until she realized that his power was making her want him more so than she actually did (as he controls other’s emotions). She was also briefly involved with Wyatt Wingfoot and Luke Cage. She married John Jameson, or Man-Wolf, but it turned out these feelings were due to Starfox’s powers as well. At this point, but before the divorce was official, She-Hulk had flings with Clay Quartermain, Tony Stark, and even made a pass at Wolverine. Wolverine refuses to have “Juggernaut’s sloppy seconds.” Although she seriously denies sleeping with Juggernaut, it is later found out that they had slept together. She-Hulk’s longest running crush was on Hercules, whom she used to fantasize about. After finally working with him she realized that the fantasy was better than the reality, but years after they still slept together.
Edge? Harley – While She-Hulk scores points for nailing Juggy, she loses them for being unwilling to admit it! So in this case, quality trumps  quantity. Besides,  Harley and Joker are iconic.
Costume Harley has been pretty faithful to her red and black harlequin costume, complete with black and white make-up.  This costume leaves no doubt as to who she’s associated with. She-Hulk has changed costumes numerous times over the years, but her most known costume is probably her white and purple one-piece leotard. She has more recently starting wearing jeans over this leotard as well.
Edge? Harley – why mess with a classic?
Most off-putting personality Harley is nuttier than squirl poo, plus she talks in an abrasive Jersey-Girl accent. In the beginning, Jennifer was annoyingly mousy and weak while She-Hulk was annoyingly savage (Hulk-smash!). However, over time they’ve both come a little closer to the middle ground.
Edge? She Hulk – At least with Harley you know what you’re going to get and she’s consistent – Jennifer is all over the place.
Best story arch After the Joker recovers from a point-blank shot to the head he decides to revamp himself in a baptism of blood. He asks Harley to kill all his former associates save Batman who he intends to kill himself after Harley’s murders lead the Bat to a specific location. However, the joke is on Harley (again) when the Joker reveals that he really intends to kill her while Batman watches. (There’s a sexual reference in there somewhere) Batman saves Harley just as the Joker is ready to slit her throat and Harley decides she’s done with being the butt of the Joker’s jokes,  so she shoots him…In the shoulder. I refuse to believe that Harley is a poor shot after all the murders she’s committed so you gotta believe that even with all he’s done to her, she still believes that deep down, her Puddin’ loves her. In Incredible Hulk #600 Jennifer starts trying to find the identity of Rulk/Red-Hulk. In the aftermath of a fight between Rulk and Hulk, the facility she’s in explodes. While She-Hulk is M.I.A., the Red-She-Hulk (who will later be confirmed as Betty Ross) makes her first appearance and claims that Jennifer Walters is dead. It’s shown in a flashback that Red She-Hulk prevented Jennifer Walters from escaping and snapped her neck with a cable. Lyra (Thundra and Hulk’s daughter from another reality) later finds Jennifer in stasis and we find out that the She-Hulk that Red She-Hulk killed was actually a Life Model Decoy. I hate when that happens!
Edge? Harley – While we love the insane relationship these two share, we love it even more when Harley stands up for herself and kicks Joker’s ass. Plus we’re against anything that brings more Hulks into an already crowded universe.
Hotness She’s a perky little blue-eyed blonde cheerleader type. This might be obnoxious if she weren’t so darn funny. Although she’s 6’7” and 650 lbs in She-Hulk size, she doesn’t have any trouble with the fellas. (Can you imagine her hitting on a 5’3” Logan? She should’ve just picked him up and taken him with her). That said, She-Hulk is very hot for someone that could crush you.
Edge? Harley – We think finding a guy that’s man enough for She-Hulk may be a challenge.
Fiercest foe I hate to be cliché, but Harley is her own worst enemy. Between her sometimes crippling self esteem issues to her manic personality to her complete dependence on a man who contemplates killing her on a regular basis, it’s amazing she’s still alive. The old favorite – herself. Jennifer long struggles first with her control as She-Hulk, and then with her confidence as Jennifer Walters. It takes year before she is comfortable in both skins.
Edge? DRAW – Give yourselves a big hug girls…But not so big that you’re breaking Harley in two please.
Biggest WTF Moment Harley temporarily trained to be an Amazon. When she found out it was all a cover to train women to be the Female Furies of Granny Goodness she went undercover to expose the plot. As payment for helping the gods, Harley was granted super powers by Thalia, the Muse of Comedy. Sadly, she lost these powers as soon as she returned to Earth. She-Hulk temporarily replaced The Thing in the Fantastic Four. Downgrade! Not to mention she helps a lot of Superheroes sue people and each other, including Peter Parker suing J. Jonah Jameson and herself suing Tony Stark.

A fun fact – She-Hulk actually broke the fourth wall before our loveable Deadpool, but she’s no longer written this way.

Edge? She-Hulk – we give props to all 4th wall breakers!
Person who should attempt an on-screen portrayal Before she died I might’ve suggested Brittany Murphy. She was petite and cute plus she would’ve nailed Harley’s signature Jersey girl accent. If you’ve seen her in “Don’t Say A Word” you know she can play crazy. If I must pick a live actress, I’d consider Amanda Seyfried since she has that sweet innocent look. Can we paint Chyna green and give her a new face? Brigitte Neilson was set to play her in the early 90s, but for a movie now they’d probably just pick some WWE chick or I’m sure she’d just be CGI with any sweet young actress playing Jennifer Walters.
Edge? Harley – anything’s better than a WWE chick trying to act.

Harley Quinn: 7

She-Hulk: 4

And the winner is…. Harley Quinn! Now, if you need us we’ll be in hiding from the She-Hulk.

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