Nerd Fight – Battle #8

It’s that time again. To reiterate, every Friday the Cupcake Rogues will randomly pick 2 characters to do battle – whether it be Marvel, DC, female, male, mutant, human, or human that pretends to be a mutant with magic (I’m looking at you, Juggernaut), they are all possible. Once we’ve randomly selected our two, they will go head to head in several categories with one being deemed winner. The winner will live on to fight another day, but a warning – with 200 possible characters, it may be awhile before round 2 🙂

Eighth week in the random selection:

Stepford Cuckoos vs Mystique

Stepford Cuckoos Mystique
Origin The Stepford Cuckoos (Esme, Irma “Mindee”, Sophie, Phoebe, and Celeste) are clones grown from ova cells harvested from Emma Frost while she lay comatose after a Sentinel attack. They are 5 of potentially thousands of clones residing in incubation changers in a hidden underground laboratory housing the Weapon Plus program. They were created by Dr. John Sublime and are considered to be Weapon XIV. Raven Darkholme’s history is convoluted at best. It’s thought that she was born in Austria over 100 years ago though this hasn’t been confirmed. She spent decades traveling the world with her lover Irene Adler in an attempt to stop the worst of Irene’s prophetic dreams from coming to pass. She’s also the biological mother of Graydon Creed and Kurt Wagner as well as the adoptive mother of Rogue and Gloria Brickman. Throughout her long life, Raven’s been everything from a Baroness to a model to a terrorist.
Edge? Mystique – This chick has a long history and more occupations than Barbie.
Powers The Cuckoos have the same powers as Emma Frost, as they are her clones. They are powerful telepaths individually, and become even more powerful when used together. They also possess the ability to transform into an organic diamond form, but their diamond forms are flawless unlike Emma’s. Mystique is a shapeshifter of the highest class. She can imitate any human-like figure including their voice pattern and mannerisms. Her level of control is such that she can mimic fingerprints, retina patterns and even shift her internal organs. Her only limitation was that she couldn’t change her mass, however due to exposure to alien radiation that is no longer a problem. Mystique also possesses a retarded aging process, healing factor and enhanced strength.
Edge? Mystique – She was already a world-class shapeshifter and impervious to telepathy, but not she’s got a healing factor too? Game over, Cuckoos.
Love interest Quentin Quire aka Kid Omega fell in love with Sophie. When Quire incited a student riot at the Institute for her attention (and because he was all drugged up), Sophie died stopping him. Later, Quire brought her back from the dead with the help of the Phoenix, however, she took one look at him and decided she wanted to stay dead rather than be with him. Talk about rejection.

Irma “Mindee” has a combative relationship with Jay Gutherie., aka Icarus.

As for Esme, she fell in love with “Magneto” (who was really Xorn in disguise) and joined the brotherhood. She later attacks him, angry that he wouldn’t return her affections and he kills her. Because of love, the five-in-one became a three-in-one.

While Mystique has been around the block a few times, most notably with Azazel and Victor Creed, it’s Irene Adler AKA Destiny who is Mystique’s true love.  As an interesting side note, Chris Claremont originally intended that Mystique and Destiny be Nightcrawlers biological parents, with Mystique shapeshifting into a man, but this idea was sacked because it was considered too controversial for its time.
Edge? Mystique – You’d think that a quintet of hot blondes would have better love lives than a curvy smurf.
Costume The Cuckoos have had a lot of different costumes. More recently they’ve started dressing differently, but for awhile they were dressing like they were 3 year old quintuplets that their mommy dressed – all matching – even down to the hair cut. Mystique does not wear clothes! Due to her mutations she simply creates them out of her own skin. That’s either incredibly sexy or incredibly gross. You be the judge.
Edge? Mystique – Ok, we’ll be the judge.
Most off-putting personality The Stepford Cuckoos act as a “Hive Mind,” although they do sometimes make individual decisions. After trapping the Phoenix in their diamond-form hearts, the Cuckoos can never feel emotion again. They are completely detached from people. Individually, Esme is the troublemaker (who Emma says she’s most proud of), Sophie is the most dominant mind, Celeste is the “tattletale” (according to Emma), Phoebe is the power-hungry one, and Irma “Mindee” seemed to have the most time for boys. Mystique has born two biological children (that we’re aware of). She murders the first and is aloof towards the second.  Instead she constantly meddles in her adopted daughters life. Case in point: When Mystique found a mutant she thought would be a good match for Rogue she joined the X-Men as Foxx in an attempt to seduce Gambit, thus destroying his relationship with her daughter.
Edge? Mystique – Mystique says I love you by trying to nail your boyfriend, or perhaps throwing you off a bridge, or shooting you in the midst of a public speech.  Gloria Brickman better watch her back.
Best story arch The remaining 3 Stepford Cuckoos resurrect their dead sisters to go to The World, where their thousands of other clones await. There they are taken under Dr. Sublime’s control, and become Thousand-In-One, and proceed to enact their programmed destiny of mutant destruction. Celeste, who holds onto a shard of the Phoenix, becomes the Phoenix’s host in order to free the clones from Sublime’s control. However, Celeste loses control of the Phoenix and it destroys all of the clones except for the three-in-one, even though they were no longer a threat. In order to defeat the Phoenix in Celeste’s body, the three remaining Cuckoos trap it in their diamond-form hearts (who unlike Emma’s diamond form, is not flawed). Because of this they can never feel emotion again, leaving them detached from others. Mystique discovered a government conspiracy to heighten anti-mutant sentiment by assassinating presidential candidate Graydon Creed who was running under an anti-mutant platform (shocking). After a botched attempt to save her son from becoming a martyr, Graydon was killed which jumpstarted a new wave of anti-mutant violence. While disguised as a man to gain intelligence on who murdered Graydon, Mystique lost her powers and was imprisoned. The US Government proceeded to freeze her assets and destroy all of the various alias’s she’d accumulated over the years. While she did eventually regain her powers and escape jail, it was only to learn that not only was it her future self who murdered Graydon Creed but her lover Destiny was a founding member of the government’s anti-mutant conspiracy!
Edge? Draw – what can we say? Girls are nothing but drama – and both of these read like Lifetime and the Sci-Fi channel had a baby.
Hotness If you thought blonde triplets were a good time, wait until you party with quintuplets. Mystique is probably the hottest blue chick EVER. And if that’s not your bag, she can be literally anyone.
Edge? Mystique – Yes there’s only one of her, but we have a feeling one Mystique is all anyone could handle.
Fiercest foe Depends who you ask – For Sophie, it’s Quentin. For Esme, it’s Emma Frost and Xorn (who kills her). For the three that live, it seems to be their creator Dr. Sublime, or eventually the Phoenix, who turns on them and, ultimately, Emma Frost. After al, the Cuckoos are the ones that told Jean about Emma’s mind affair with Scott. Little Devils. Pretty much everyone – Mystique has a LOT of enemies. Even team mates can’t trust her. If your plans don’t mesh with hers she’ll screw you over without a qualm.
Edge? Stepford Cuckoos – What would Freud say about your biggest enemy being the person you were cloned from?
Biggest WTF moment Keeping in mind the time that the Cuckoos were created, the first letter of each of the girls spells “spice” – Sophie, Phoebe, Irma, Celeste, and Esme. Maybe Marvel was hoping to turn them into a mutant pop group and take them on tour? While in the guise of a hot blonde on the beach, a famous photographer offered to make her a famous model. Intrigued and amused, Mystique accepted and did exactly that. Apparently even slightly deranged mercenary-terrorist-govt. operatives have dreams of fame, fortune and bulimia.
Edge? Draw – How do you choose between identical singing quints or the supermodel with a penchant for wielding a gun?  You don’t. You let them battle it out themselves on the pages of UsWeekly.
Person who should attempt an on-screen portrayal I’m going to go with who I thought would play a good young Emma Frost – AnnaLynne McCord. If you ever saw her character Eden Lord on Nip/Tuck you’ll know she plays devious and major sexuality very well. Rebecca Romijn played Mystique with a combination of intelligence, danger and sex appeal. She gets the Cupcake Rogues seal of approval.
Edge? Mystique – Ummm, you saw her with nothing on but blue paint, right?

Stepford Cuckoos: 3

Mystique: 9

And the winner is…. Mystique! Years of devious behavior has given our favorite blue gal the edge of experience in this battle.


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