16
Apr
10

It’s about to be a nerd fight!!!! VS. Battles

Every Friday, the Cupcake Rogues will randomly pick 2 characters to do battle – whether it be Marvel, DC, female, male, mutant, human, or human that pretends to be a mutant with magic (I’m looking at you, Juggernaut), they are all possible. Once we’ve randomly selected our two, they will go head to head in several categories with one being deemed winner. The winner will live on to fight another day, but a warning – with 200 possible characters, it may be awhile before round 2 🙂

First up in the random selection:

Phoenix vs. Thor

  Phoenix   Thor
Strength Alright, well this doesn’t even seem fair to poor Thor. I mean, it’s the Phoenix for goodness sakes.   He’s a mother scrunchin’ god whose feats of strength include nearly lifting the entire World Serpent.
Edge? Phoenix – Sorry Thor, no matter how big your snake was, the Phoenix Force is omnipotent!
Powers Manipulates energy and matter on a sub-atomic level, interstellar travel, absorbs energy and amplifies it’s hosts power to incalculable levels. Whoa…   Super Strength, Prolonged life, Weather Manipulation, Berserker Rages and a kiss that can overwhelm mortal women.
Edge? Phoenix – Again with the omnipotence…Unless Thor lays a wet one on her…Nah, still Phoenix.
Intelligence According to Wiki, Phoenix possesses a high level of cosmic awareness and prescience. (Phoenix reads a lot and knows how to use dictionary.com)   Now, Thor never seemed especially stupid, but according to Marvel’s official site, he’s not the brightest crayon in the box.
Edge? Phoenix – Cosmic awareness trumps Mr. Medium Beige
Love Interest Cyclops. Need I say more? Anytime this fragile flower lost Jean he completely broke down, then when he finally gets her, he has a mind affair with Emma Frost? She could’ve had Wolverine!!! I mean, he may not be the prettiest guy on the block, but judging by those berserker rages you know he’s hung like Seabiscuit. Sigh, chicks.   Jane Foster seems cool. She’s just a regular chick but she did take Cap’s side against the registration act and joined his resistance group. However, she lost out on immortality by failing Odin’s courage test. Plus she thought she was in a love triangle for awhile when both men were Thor…. Yeah, she’s pretty.
Edge? Thor – Ditzy or not, a sock puppet is more exciting than Scott.
Costume I like the green Phoenix costume. The gold is a little tacky, but if you’re a superhero that’s that powerful you can wear whatever the hell you want.   We’re suckers for a man in a cape, a winged helmet, and a mystical hammer named Mjolnir. Oh and it’s pronounced /mɨˈjoʊlnər/ – thanks, Wikipedia, that’s really helpful *gives wiki side eye*.
Edge? Phoenix – But only because she doesn’t have goofy headgear.
Best Story Arch The Phoenix saga was one of the highlights of the 90s cartoon – and our personal FAVORITE.   Thor manages to end the Ragnarok (destruction of the gods) cycle by eliminating the existence of Asgard. He later rebuilds Asgard…In Oklahoma.
Edge? Thor – Just kidding! The Phoenix saga changed the face of comics and the ramifications are still being felt in Marvel Universe to this day.
Hotness The Phoenix is a fine piece of Gingerness, no doubt about it. She’s managed to keep Cyclops and Wolverine interested in her for years. The Prof even had a thing for her for a while…Ha! Gross.   Thor’s a strapping lad with hair a Pantene model would envy, plus he talks like this. “Young maiden of Midgard, thy language leaves something to be desired.” You tell her, Thor.
Edge? Rogue 1 –Gingerness aside, the Phoenix is hot. However I’m deducting some points for her impending craziness. R2, the category is hotness, not attractiveness, silly.   Rogue 2 – I think we might be divided on this one. Attractiveness includes personality too and while Phoenix is a psycho, Jean is a snore. I’ll take the brawny Viking with the smooth delivery.
Fiercest foe Emma? The Shi’ar? Scott? Jean herself? Take your pick.   Loki – his own brother. Jealousy is an ugly color.
Edge? Thor – Phoenix may have more enemies, but Loki is family. Imagine the fights they get into at the big family reunions.
Biggest WTF moment The biggest WTF moment of the Phoneix saga overall is when we find out that Jean has, in fact, been at the bottom of Jamaica Bay this whole time, and that the Phoneix was not Jean after all, but a duplicate.   Thanks to Loki’s shenanigans, Thor is female in the limited edition Earth X series. Not to mention that Loki too is transformed into a chick in the Mighty Thor series. What’s with these Tranny Asgardians?
Edge? Thor – While Jean was sipping cocktails in Jamaica, Thor was learning about the wonders of menstrual cycles.
Best on-screen portrayal (if applicable) Famke Janssen did an OK job with what she was given.   Chris Hemsworth will be playing Thor. Obviously he is yet to be seen and judged but he played a good Captain George Kirk.
Edge? Thor – X3 ruined what should’ve been the most exciting version of Jean Grey.

Phoenix: 6

Thor: 5

And the winner is….

PHOENIX!!!! Sorry Thor, but at least you can return to lovely…Oklahoma? Hahahaha! Ah, we really shouldn’t kick a man when he’s down. Phoenix makes it til the next round…. until next Friday, kids!

And until then, a little something to keep you occupied. Female Thor *shudders*:

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