Professor Xavier – Patrick Stewart, Patrick Stewart and…Oh yes, Patrick Stewart. There’s really no getting around it. Patrick Stewart IS Charles Xavier.
Storm – Angela Bassett, Jada Pinkett Smith and Rachel Luttrell. While I wasn’t in love with Halle Berry’s portrayal of the marvelous Mistress of the Elements, I can’t see any of these chicks doing any better. If only Iman was 20 years younger…And an actress.
Cyclops – Owen Wilson? I’ve never seen him portray someone who isn’t a total frat boy, and if there’s one thing Scott Summers is NOT, it’s a frat boy. Edward Norton? No thanks, he’s an even bigger sissy that Scott. Jude Law? Would his visor cover his receding hair line?
Jean Grey – Selma Blair, Renee O’Connor, Lucy Lawless and Maria Bello. Can you imagine Lucy Lawless and Owen Wilson? Lets move on…
Rogue – Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Katie Holmes, Alicia Silverstone. Curled up in the fetal position yet? Not a one of these broads has the sass or the look of Rogue. While we’re at it, lets get rid of Anna Paquin as well. Later Sookie!
Gambit – Josh Holloway and Channing Tatum. This one physically hurts me because Josh Holloway is the answer to all questions.
Wolverine – Gary Senise…Lt. Daaan! Actually, I could see that working out. Good actor, scrappy and not as hot as Hugh Jackman. Russell Crowe…If Logan’s’ ability had to do with chucking phones and having an ego the size of a Kardashian ass, maybe. (Ha! I just described Naomi Campbell!) Jean Claude Van Damme…I just can’t.
Magneto – The only other name I’ve seen mentioned is Terrance Stamp, and while I adore Sir Ian’s portrayal of Mags, I wouldn’t mind seeing how Zod would’ve handled the role…One word…KNEEL!!
So the next time you feel the urge to whine about Hugh’s height, or Gambit’s lack of third person speak, remind yourself that you could’ve been watching Jean Claude Van Damme deliver the immortal line. I’m da best der is at waht I do…
There was one more possibility for Wolverine that I couldn’t bring myself to mention…The idea filled me with a horror that words could not express. Instead I’ll let you feast your eyes on what could’ve been…