Today’s freak show is Mandrill from Marvel Comics. This guy gives us Rogues the squicks. Even with R2′s strange attraction to Sabretooth, she wouldn’t touch this one with a 10 ft. pole. Jerome Beechman was born to parents that were exposed to radiation. At age ten, his father drove him out into the desert and abandoned him due to his ghastly appearance. There he finds Nekra and the two take each other in as siblings and begin their life of crime. Mandrill is currently in Hood’s Gang and imprisoned in the Raft. Now for what makes him creepy (other than his face). Mandrill possesses the chemically-based ability to attract and enslave most adult women to his will. Like many animals, Mandrill continually emits pheromones of great potency. Once a woman gets a hit of Mandrill’s pheromone emissions, her hormonal balance is altered, causing her to feel extreme physical attraction. The Mandrill’s mutant pheromones are released at a rate of 2,000 parts per million, several thousand times that of a normal human. Consequently, any woman within range (about 250 feet downwind, or in the direct path of the emission) is severely affected. Within seconds, most women become submissive and open to manipulation by Mandrill, similar to that of hypnosis. The mutagenically-altered structure of Mandrill’s sex pheromones is practically addictive. Subsequent exposure to Mandrill’s pheromones over a few months is enough to keep most women in his power permanently. However, if the woman is removed from his presence after initial contact, she will go through a mild period of withdrawal and be free after a few months. So ladies (if there are any out there?), just imagine pining over this face and we think you’ll understand why we’re so grossed out.
Archive for the 'Obscure Character of the Week' Category
This week’s obscure character is the Dogwelder. Yes, Dogwelder. Dogwelder was a crimefighter who maimed evildoers by welding dead dogs to them. No, I’m not punking you. No, seriously, I’m not. He was a supporting character in the comic book series “Hitman”and a member of Section 8, a “superhero” team led by delusional superhero wannabe, Six-Pack. His face is never revealed and he never speaks. He was, obviously, pretty disturbed. Dogwelder dies in Section 8′s final battle when he is vaporized by acidic demon vomit. It’s like the trifecta of tragedy. Fantastic.
This week’s random character is Madam Fatal from Quality Comics (playing it kind of fast and loose with that name, eh, Quality Comics?). Madam Fatal was comic’s first cross-dressing character (hooray?). When Richard Stanton’s daughter is kidnapped, he uses his acting skill to create a new persona as an elderly lady called Madame Fatal. While dressing up as Madame Fatal, Richard found he was underestimated by his daughter’s kidnappers, and able to get the upper hand. After rescuing her, he decided to adopt the identity and fight for the side of good, becoming the first transvestite hero. Stanton lives alone with his pet parrot Hamlet (are you sure he’s not an elderly lady?). “She” appeared in the first twenty-two issues of Crack Comics. After the line was bought out by DC Comics, Madame Fatal disappeared and was never seen again. Good call, DC.
The Blue Snowman is a cross-dressing DC villain. That’s right, folks, there’s a chick under there. Try not to crack a fat. Byrna Brilyant was a schoolteacher in the small town of Fair Weather Valley. Her father, a scientist, died while he was working on “blue snow”, a form of precipitation that instantly freezes whatever it touches. While he wanted to help humanity, Byrna wanted to use it for profit. She was recruited into a team called Villainy, Inc. and was ultimately stopped by Wonder Woman. Maybe they should change the name of their group if they don’t want to be found out as soon next time.
Today’s obscure character is Ultra The Multi-Alien by DC comics. This character came to be when Spacedude Ace Arn is struck by four alien rays at once, turning him into a composite of all four races. But, this composite of 4 races isn’t a mix in one person like you’d expect, it actual causes him to have 4 quarters of his body looking like the 4 different creatures. Most of his story has dealt with him trying to turn back to his human form… you mean chicks don’t dig this?
Thanks to Jon and Conan O’Brien of course.
This week’s ridiculous character is Sportsmaster by DC Comics. Sportsmaster is an extremely talented athlete that uses his natural athletism for crime. He is a master of all American sports and hand to hand combat. He also uses sports themed weapons of destruction. Do I even need to say anything else? Oh yeah, he wears a ton of different, ridiculous costumes depending on which sports skill he’s using at the time. There were 2 different Sportsmasters – yes, somehow they didn’t learn that this was a terrible idea the first go round. Wow.
This week’s obscure comic book character is Tawky Tawny, from DC comics, a member of the Captain Marvel family. The modern day Tawky Tawny was originally a stuffed doll given by Lord Satanus and then by Ibis the Invincible. When the laws of magic changed, Tawky became real. In the original version of Tawky, he was a real jungle cat at first, but then he stood accused of killing a man, so he was given a serum to allow him to talk and walk upright to plead his case. I don’t know which one is worse. Oh, and what are his powers? He’s a f*&@ing tiger. A tiger that will apparently hump your leg to get a dry martini around here…
This week’s obscure character is Bouncing Boy from DC. Bouncing Boy has the ability to make his body inflate into a solid spherical shape like a rubberball. He can then bounce and deflect off of solid objects, using himself as a ballistic weapon. It can be assumed that he has a limited form of invulnerabilty while inflated to protect him from damage from bounding into objects. He was also rejected by the Legion of Super-Heroes. Twice. Yay childhood obesity!
This week’s obscure character is Squirrel Girl from Marvel that has – you guessed it – squirrel-like powers. She has superhuman strength and agility, allowing her to leap several stories, as well as an enhanced sense of smell. She also has retractable knuckle spikes that can slice wood, buck teeth that can chew wood and a tail. She can speak and understand squirrel’s language and they seem to be able to understand her speaking English. This is often the means for which she defeats her more powerful enemies as she can summon large armies of squirrels for help. Her eyes glow in low light so it is possible that Squirrel Girl may have super-vision. Although she sounds utterly ridiculous, Squirrel Girl is often under-estimated in battle and has beaten several high-end characters, such as Deadpool (I bet his voices never let him live that down) and Doctor Doom.
This week’s obscure comic book character is Armless Tiger Man (what’s with all of these armless guys?) by Marvel. While working in a factory in Germany, Hertz got his arms cut off by a machine. Because of these he developed an extreme hate for machines, and was sent to America to destroy them. He learned to use his feet and teeth in place of his arms. Also, his teeth have been sharpened down to pointy weapons. Yah Yah, Ha Ha indeed, Armless Tiger Man.